Originally posted on the National Youth Advocacy Coalition blog, Sunday Oct. 12, 2008
by Jennifer Chrisler, executive director of Family Equality Council
Becoming a parent changes everything. You see the world through more than one set of eyes. I see the world through Tim's eyes and Tom's eyes, my six-year-old twins. I see the perils of school yards where young bullies loom. I see the perils of violence in the media, encouraging aggression in our youth. I see a world confused by a so-called "culture war" that divides us along what are ultimately insignificant lines. And yet I also see unbounded hope.
I was twenty-eight when Matthew Shepard was killed; at the time it seemed like my life couldn't have been more different from his own, but not because of anything special I had done. Having grown up in a small town in Upstate New York, I was lucky enough to attend Smith College, known for its acceptance of LGBT students, and then to move to Boston where at least there was a vibrant, supportive LGBT community, even if we, too, sometimes came under attack.
I could have stayed in my small town. I could have happened upon the wrong people at the wrong time.
Matthew was dealt a different hand. So many of us could have been dealt different hands. And still today I worry about what hate violence might mean for me and my family. None of us are immune, even as some of us are more vulnerable in our daily lives.
Matthew's death made it harder for every LGBT person to stand on the sidelines. Those of us who thought we were active got more active. For a generation, this one young person's tragedy inspired millions to stand up and fight.
We should never have to lose a life to stand up and do what's right. Ten years later, our federal government still hasn't passed the Matthew Shepard Act. Nineteen states lack hate crimes protections for LGBT people. Five of these states lack hate crimes protections for any particular class of people, including Wyoming where Matthew was killed. Laws that do protect LGBT people don't usually protect people closely associated with us, like our relatives and children and straight ally friends who sometimes come under attack.
Even in states with the best protections, officials don't often enforce their laws vigilantly. Hate crimes are underreported; prosecutions under-resourced. And so we continue to hold our own vigils, year after year, lifting candles in the night to shed light on a problem so pervasive in our society today. Our differences should never lead us to violence or harassment. We teach our children the Golden Rule. Whatever happened to do unto others as you would have done unto you?
As a parent, I see the world through Tim's eyes and Tom's eyes and through the eyes of other parents. Ten years after Matthew's death, I continue to be awed by Judy Shepard, who as a parent has done more to advance protections against LGBT people than any other person alive today. Unlike some others I've spoken to about Judy over the years, I am not surprised by her determination. I would go to the moon and back for my kids. What surprises me about Judy is her sheer stamina. I could only hope to have the energy to speak out and advocate on behalf of my children as she has for ten years—to daily face my worst nightmare and have the strength to carry on.
And then I take my kids to the local park and to school. I watch them play with other children they've just met—children with all kinds of parents, families of difference races and backgrounds, religious and nations of origin. I see them learn from each other, be curious with one another, and with good guidance resolve conflicts with one another—without feet and fists. I see the world as it could be—as it should be—and it carries me through. It gives me strength.
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Family Equality Council is proud to be the national non-profit organization dedicated to securing family equality. We recognize and believe that the laws, provisions and ordinances that hurt LGBTQ-headed families also hurt so many others—single parents, blended families, families of color, etc. To that end, Family Equality Council is standing strong to defeat anti-family legislation and promote pro-family legislation.
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